all things less is more

so that simple little saying that less is more has been on my mind as of late. i have really been thinking about balance in my life and how i need it so. taking more time to myself, for myself and working on me. i have been struggling with the lack of a spiritual feeling lately, is the only way i can describe it. so in attempts to get back on track with my physical self i have been doing yoga and pilates and it is amazing how much better i felt after one week. more centered. more balanced. so part of this process there has been a couple of trips to a sauna after whatever session of exercise i just completed. it is completely boring to sit still in a sauna with nothing to do; so i read the magazines and happened to grab a natural living issue. i am scanning a section were readers are commenting on a previous article about prayer and i see this quote from a woman and how she was delighted and surprised to see it in this publication. basically she said she has never really been a person of faith but has been finding herself praying and that is has been helping. she goes on the state that it is easy and free and what could be better than that.

i was honestly a little floored. since when is prayer easy? how in the world does it being free add any value whatsoever? i can't get it out of my mind. what a strange thing to say that prayer is easy and free. ok i do not claim to be an expert on prayer in the slightest, but easy? the only thing that i could possibly consider this phrasing to mean is that it is easy to give your mind over and easy to pray for others in need. i have never understood the people that pray for selfish things, needy things and self prayer. to me it just seems like the biggest oxymoron. there are those moments of God give me the strength to get through this; yes that is selfish prayer but for a will not a material need. so i wonder if my view of prayer is accurate? moving on to - prayer being free? i can't even begin to explain how wrong this sounded. the only thing i can possibly think that this phrasing meant was the restful state of mind that comes as a resolution to prayer, when in our culture we pay for anything to make us relax and become restful.

prayer is something that i haven't completely wrapped my head around. i have heard things like, you need to be specific for what you want and that God will answer or show you the way to what you are looking for. however, i have also heard that prayer should not be for anything selfish or personal. so something as personal and intimate as prayer seems to have rules and guidelines governing it. even in my own head i pass judgement on those people who pray for themselves; it just seems to be the opposite of what faith based religion is about in my opinion. i have never been able to bring myself to pray for selfish things. i don't know if i ever will be able. i have tried to have an open dialogue more or less, like a conversation. where i feel like the more time or concentration i have i seem to come to a resolution over time. or not. sometimes i have to let go and know i might not ever have a resolution. this topic seems to be bordering on meditation vs prayer. well whatever you call it, however you categorize it, it is a quieting of the mind that helps to bring balance. believe me it carries over into everything else.

it seems just like with anything in life, patterns can be easy to fall into and easy to fall out of. when you are taking time in prayer on a regular basis it creates a sense of even flowing balance. it seems really hard to start up again after stopping for sometime. i almost look at it like i need to apologize first for not being active in dialogue in awhile. it can be an amazing thing, when you focus on balance. how much less becomes more. less time in front of a desk oddly seems to result in more. more time in various activities seems to have less of a stressful feeling. i am telling you mastering balance in life is what makes the little we have seem like so much more. it is one of those oxymorons i love so: by doing more, balancing more it makes you want less or regret less. i don't know how else to explain it. simple things bring simple balance: less is more.

one of the things i will say is that the older i get the less of an academic i become. i am a nerd and do not deny it. but giving more of my mind over to ideas and concepts that seem to be driven by my heart and mind more than intellect. again less is more. when i don't let my mind get in the way i seem to get so much more out whatever i am doing. i remember a friend of mine one time said that if you are physical in nature your mind would be secondary and vice versa. basically what she was trying to say is that you can't be both physically strong and mentally strong at the same time. i remember thinking why are you trying to force me to say my physical tendency is stronger than my mental? what is your problem? well i was dealing with a person who clearly thought she was more mentally strong or smarter than others (well me - and i use the term friend lightly). but i think the two go hand in hand. yes, the entire first part of my life was spent in a gym, probably to excess but it brought on a lot of mental strength i would probably not have developed otherwise.

in my opinion, being mentally strong and physically strong need to be close to equal or there is an imbalance. working to bring the two together is what creates balance; a needed balance. this form of balance between mind and body is so important and honestly i think will be a life long journey for me. i know i will be a life long leaner and i know i will be a life long physical learner. in the middle of these, is a spiritual balance or element that is also present. i think the two are what create the spiritual. honestly i think the biggest thing is focusing on your own growth and where you stand in your own balance.

i could go on and on; it is a topic that can be talked about in great detail from several viewpoints. but it keeping with less is more. that is all for now.

all things (artist's) eye of the beholder

so it seems that life can be pretty full of challenges. that goes without saying for most i would imagine. what i like to think about is the artist's eye and what it beholds. there is a method to the madness, there is a master plan or design in mind. if you trust in the process enough, it will happen. i am of course speaking from the artist's perspective. to give yourself over to your expression, whatever it may be, and become completely lost in it. it might not always be understood. or appreciated. if anything history has taught us that artist's can be a little quirky or eccentric. but there is another side to that. there is the full minded artist. there is the artist's eye in us all, we just have to be paying attention to catch it.

naturally, there are some with more heightened skills and ability. but there is an artist in us all. each person has a unique ability to truly be an artist. so what do you do when you are told your methods aren't right? that you are crazy for what you are trying and attempting to do? what do you do when you are challenged, when your artist is challenged? i can't help but think back to what started it all for me. drawing. painting. pastels. these were the main mediums i started with. i used to carry a sketch book with me every where i went and i was always drawing. charcoal is my favorite (of the hand design mediums).

so when someone challenges me i usually respond in one of two ways: one being an internal response of: just watch and learn. the other being an external response of: you better know the background of the person you are challenging or you will look pretty foolish. such is life through the artist's eye and being the beholder. the main point is, showing your artist side is a good thing. just have confidence in what you are doing, no one can ever rattle that. so get out there and show off your inner artist. if you don't know what it is, i suggest paying attention so you can catch it.

so back to the challenging aspect. i remembering reading once that if you are in your comfort zone all the time, you are not growing. something to that effect. so that stretching yourself through challenges is a good thing. it can be in any manner. recently i have made the decision to have a home office/home studio. finally i have the space to accomodate both. i really have to give credit to corey for letting me go so to speak. we did share an office and now i have my own office. i am truly thankful to him. even though he will miss me.

so the challenge of getting some hater email from a local photographer comes on the same day i have an expansion of sorts. it is not the first and i am sure it won't be the last. i just have to think if my competitors are so worried about what i am doing, how much are they focusing on their own businesses? busy bodies are not only annoying, they are not always successful in their own right as they get in their own way.

life is always a challenge. so i just want to say to anyone who wants to chase a dream, or try something new. go for it. don't listen to the people who want to drag you down. believe me when i say they are already on a sinking ship. listen to the people who inspire and motivate you. you won't always be liked, understood, appreciated or even valued. do it for yourself and your own sense of achievement by your own standards. so pay attention and catch your inner artist, you hold your artist's eye.

all things murphy's & o'mally's law

it always seems like life is about two steps forward and two steps back. like a sort of irish jig that isn't fun or entertaining in the least. so wouldn't you know it that on the day of delivery to a very happy customer (who i just adore) placed the biggest order on record, i have a customer complain and ask for a refund, the first refund on record. after which I find out has downloaded and taken the files already (what the return is for). well you can't please everyone and lesson learned there as clearly you can't trust everyone either. but it got slightly better as the lovely ups man delivered my pants to me today and they all fit! that has never happened before when all the items fit. i was starting to think, sitting there holding my package - how many of these am i going to have to return - still staring at the monitor in horror of being ripped off. you see, i have to order online as the stores only seem to stock one type: flood pants. so here i am dancing my jig that is seemingly slightly annoying to me. the worst part is, i love to dance ;)

so i wonder why that rule happens. murphy's law. it can happen in a somewhat snowball effect too at times. you know what i am talking about. something happens, then something else happens, then another and another and soon enough you are going - how in the hell did that happen? or i feel like i'm taking crazy pills. either way, murphy's law is quite the quandary.

so i wonder if there is an alter ego of this murphy's law. is there something that creates a chain effect of goodness, or pure joy? sure there is the concept of pay it forward and general karmic beliefs; but i am talking about a chain reaction that seems to attach itself that is positive. does that exist? if it does, what it is called? so i have learned not to sweat the small stuff and look for that silver lining. literally, i keep looking and i am going to find it - if it kills me :)

have you ever noticed things tend to happen in 3s? so this murphy's law must have some kind of numerology attached to it with a corresponding number of 3. i can remember one example of murphy's law attacking me in 3s: my car broke down, my fridge died and my dog got sick all within one week. so not only does murphy like to have chain effects, but apparently it is fiscal in nature at times as well. fantastic. so this alter ego must have the same. maybe it is a numerology of 4s. perhaps even fiscally rewarding. wouldn't that be great. like you find a $20, get a free upgrade on accident when purchasing a new car, the person in front of you in line has a coupon they can't use but you can and a stranger quotes you as being the nicest and most giving person they know in a published article. come on a girl can dream :)

so murphy, it seems we are destined to run into each other throughout my entire life. welcome to the dysfunctional family and try not to make eye contact with the crazy cousin. :) i sure would like to be related to the other law, which i will call o'mally's law. so from now on i wish that everyone has o'mally's law every week. being the nerd that i am, murphy's law is actually an adage that states, "anything that can go wrong, will go wrong" and apparently has been traced back to the early 1900s and had many other names and faces before murphy. so, i would like to go on record as saying o'mally's law is an adage that states, "anything that can go right, will go right and then some". I just might make a page on wikipedia establishing it's roots. :)

so in keeping with a content of visual stimulation in line with an alter ego. here is a mini new look at a collection of things i love. maybe it is just that i am sick of winter....and thinking of sandy beaches and the things i have found over the years on random walks...or maybe i just needed a visual break from the norm and want to share something simplistic. i really do love the crispness of white things found in nature or mostly white things. i really do love the organic shape of things found in nature. most of my work is chalk full of color and life; this is a little cleaner, crisper and softer color palate of subjects.

all things plump

winter is creating all things that are plump. literally. so yesterday morning i get up and attempt to get dressed and blow out the crotch of my pants. not just any pants, but my all time favorite cords, that i wear just about every day. the rip? well it was not a dainty little - oops i'll just sew that right up and no one will notice. it was like the hulk had turned green and shredded my clothing. happy winter everyone. 

the best part about it is, corey was standing there telling me about one of his projects with great serious detail....when the sound of ripping material drowned us both out. he literally turned around and walked out of the room, mid-sentence. later i found out he thought one of two things: meltdown or laughter. as he wasn't sure which one it was going to be, he left. i was laughing so hard after i ripped my pants and then again later when he was telling me this - i laughed so hard i cried. so there you have it. all things plump. 

so my girlfriends and i have been texting all week about how sweat pants are the greatest invention in winter. of course we are all telling each other how fat we feel, like our legs are expanding or combining into one giant mass blob...with the occasional support for working out or anything that might resemble a work out. as i vacuumed this week and worked up a sweat and was proud of my 'excercise'. yes, i was video taped in sweats dancing while vacuuming. (denise i bet you would dance next to that) :). so once again the bond of girlfriends is tied through the mutual feeling of all things plump. gotta love it.

naturally, as i had to go grocery shopping later, i loaded us up with super healthy foods. no more pasta and stews for us. at least not for a couple of weeks :) i do love food too much to give up anything fantastically delicious. so i am wandering around the store collecting my healthy items of things for fresh salads, all kinds of fish, chicken, and what is probably an unnatural amount of fruits and veggies. meaning my body better respond to the drastic change of what i am consuming. 

i mean when did it happen exactly? i can't really remember. maybe it just snuck up on me. whatever caused it, my metabolism just seems to have come to a screeching hault. yes, i was the - eat anything i want kind of person and never gain weight. it might have something to do with the fact that i lost a bunch of weight this time last year (the stressful kind not the healthy kind) and was super skinny and have just gained it back. in my defense (or that is what i tell myself) those pants were my skinny small sized pants (a 4 and now i am back up to my plump 8 it appears). then again it might just be the time that i am on a perpetual diet to "watch my figure". ugh just saying those words makes me cringe. 

well it is a good thing i like food and know my way around the kitchen. so back to the shopping. i thought london broil. have always wanted to make it and never have. so there you have it, my night's meal is born. well almost. i have the meat and need the rest. so i get home and stuff the fridge so full of my fresh stuff and start thinking about the rest of the meal. i flip through my kitchen bible cookbook (that's the name, literally - 1,000 receipes) and find a receipe for eggplant confit. well i bascially adapted that and made yellow squash with eggplant basil confit. the eggplant literally melted in my mouth - so good. 

I had always heard of confit but had no idea what it was. it is pure goodness let me tell you. you put some EVOO (as RR would say) and peel 4 cloves of garlic letting them liquify in the pan - then add veggies to cooked and season. so simple. and so good. the veggies absorb the flavor perfectly. i just might make all my veggies confit from now on. :)

the weirdest thing is that salad, fresh salad always make my mouth water. just thinking about a big plate of mixed greens...and it's happening again. but the problem i find is the bagged greens from the store don't really seem to last that long and i only end up eating half. the ones with spinach greens literally seem to last a day or two before spoiling. so i made my own. the last piece of the meal puzzle.

the goal is to keep exploring cooking and do it as close to everyday as possible. so i just hope i keep the interest and schedule that allows for good cooking or at least good accessible foods. i grew up with a microwave cooker and i don't want to be that way. making it important to have a good meal together everyday is important to me. but on long busy days it is hard to go from working to the kitchen and start working. i understand why so many women rely on microwaves in stead of ovens. well not me. it's old school i know, but worth it. 

i find that the way you view something can literally shape the experience. if you dread something, it is dreadful. if you look forward to enjoying something, you enjoy it. well at least something that you can control and at the end of the day - sometimes the only thing i can control is what is cooking in my oven or stovetop. the rest i have to just go with the flow. i read the alchemist not too long ago. a really light and simple read; well easy actually. but it is more philosophical. meaning you get the meaning if you think about it. this man travels the world in search of an element and learns all the things a master alchemist needs to learn. but his journey would not have been so great if he never left; even though his element was in one place only. his home town. so it is always the journey and the experience. 

all things friends

the older i get the more i value my friends. for some time now it has become more and more difficult to get together. have you ever tried to coordinate getting together with a mom, let alone 5 moms? so then you know and feel my pain. recently there was a get together for a dear friends birthday, and it felt like old times, in a way. the conversations have just shifted to what the kids are up to, how the men in our lives can be really amazing or really not (wonder why that is) and yes of course there is the occasional 'remember when' story. the thing that my girls have taught me the most is: unconditional love. no matter what they will always be there and love each other no matter what.

which always makes me think about why is that a constant in friends but not in family? the saying you can choose your friends but not your family is the only thing that comes to mind, repeatedly. i don't know about your family but with mine the perfection of quilt trips, demanding questions, constant jabs, undercutting with sideways compliments (if you want to call them that) and laying it on thick seems to be ever present. maybe that is just the inevitable relationships between mothers and daughters. or just inevitable with me and mine. whatever it is, it is definitely not the same feeling i get of unconditional love from girlfriends. something i even know doesn't come easy for most or at all. so i wonder is it even worth trying to pass something on through generations, or is it better to just break the cycle and start over? for years i have felt like i don't fit in with my family and have really stopped trying altogether; when i do try it is the same viscous circle again and again. maybe that is my answer; i have already broken the cycle and am just waiting to pass on what i am to the next.

much like the idea of passing things on through generations, girlfriends pass things on through a lifetime. i am not talking about a pair of traveling jeans here either. in my case at least it is something that is a little less tangible. i got home after our dinner night out and found an old scrapbook and the first page i opened to was from a couple of years ago, from one of my birthday get togethers and there we all were...it made me think about the changes that have happened over the years. how we have been there for each other through kids, marriages, divorces, careers starting and ending, legal issues, family fights, deaths and just about anything you can think of. we saw each other through with support, encouragement, and laughter through tears when nothing else worked. no one can pick you up like the ones that are there for you in your darkest times and celebrate with you when you are up.

so you learn random things in conversation; at least i do - little insights into the people you already know so well. but there is always more to know. like jodi girl has 40 pairs of black pants in her closet, and denise still thinks about the one man that she had a thing with for a minute (but in no way is he good or right for her) and wonders - what if? still. beyond the fun facts it is the little ways that your friends can surprise you. like when denise talks about her faith and how it sees her through challenges in both good times and bad and she feels lucky and fortunate with exactly where she is in life. when jodi looks at now and knows she is in exactly the right place to spend time with her daughter daily and think about what makes sense for her next without rushing the process. there is always strength and inspiration from these women to anyone that knows them. such different lives with such different directions but a connection all the same. ok it makes me think about the movie the divine secrets of the ya ya sisterhood and how the women had a pact of friendship that lasted a lifetime.

it can be amazing what binds people together, from similar tastes, hobbies, beliefs or because they grew up near one another. food, art and music seem to be some of the root foundation for cultures i think. i recently found myself wandering around the cookbook section of borders again and came across several cookbooks from other countries that showed a map with the region that food originated from. i thought - what a great idea. it would be an interesting thing to have a cookbook for women that showed recipes of what to use based on where you are in life: skinny single girl, pregnant with first child, after a couple of kids, starting a career, loosing a career, etc you get the idea. each section would have recipes shared from girlfriends when at those points in their lives. the very first recipe i was ever given was from my dear friend denise for swedish meatballs. if i remember correctly, jodi girl passed the recipe to her. so it would be the girlfriends cookbook: recipes for life.

of course the girlfriends cookbook would also be full of funny stories in place of where a regional map would be. there would be stories like tripping and grabbing onto a client and almost taking him down when wearing super high heals or yelling 'we got a dog taco' when helping a friend carry in her sick dog to the vet while busting through the door. basically stories any woman would laugh out loud at when reading. after all, life is serious enough to not laugh as much as possible. there is nothing better than a laugh that makes you cry, makes your stomach hurt and leaves you gasping for breath. or even one that catches you by surprise and makes you snort. those are my personal favorite.

i must say that i was somewhat misleading in my last post. beef bourguignon is what julia child made not beef bolognese; beef bolognese is from northern italy. so any of you real cooks out there or julia child fans, you probably caught that and thought it didn't make sense. well it kind of didn't make sense and it kind of did. the connection i was making, if the inferred reference is still not clicking, is that it started with a beef dish that spoke to me. paralleling this to the start of the julie/julia stories also starting with a speaking beef dish. beef sort of has that effect i think. how many times have you seen a picture of some fantastic beef food and it made your mouth water?

so in the spirit of cooking adventure, of course i wanted to make the beef bourguignon. what perfect timing to make a delicious beef stew than with the wonderful winter wonderland storm we got hammered with last night. not surprisingly it is still coming down today. i am hoping our weather reporters are accurate with it stopping later today; i have a full day of travel tomorrow between pretty far spanning cities and clear roads would be great. i had no idea that it would be such a long process to make what is basically a stew; but was it worth it! it was really fantastic.

so i am not really sure what has brought on this recent chain of events, well besides winter, in gaining inspiration from my home. it is where i spend so much of my time. recently having moved and still settling in probably has a lot to do with it too. i have always been a person who has taken pride in my home, but this is the first time i have made a home and it feels pretty good. so here are some of my home inspirations: